LoneCactus' Soap Box Moments: November 2006

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Big Game Cometh...

For my dad and all the Bear fans out there!

Go Cal!!!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I Like My Girls A Little Bit Older

As my Xterra snaked its way up Highway 17 through the Santa Cruz mountains, a song came through my iPod into my car's stereo. It made me recall something, I'm not sure what it was, but a feeling. I smiled, it made me feel warm and happy.

Funny thing about songs. Much like scents they are powerful reminders of past events. A certain melody can spark memories that have been long buried into my noggin. Powerful memories that are linked to a moment, a feeling, usually a person is associated with it. Are they important memories?...most times not, but I smile as they are a musical journal of my history.

Here are a few:

Boston - Don't Look Back

This reminds me of my early years of highschool. In the back of Robert Cope's white Chevrolet Camaro. The only thing I could hear is the swelling of the bass at the start of the song as we drove to school. Robert would press on his steering wheel, but I could never hear the sound of the horn as the sounds of Boston overpowered everything. After those days, I'm kind of surprised that I can hear anything.

The Outfield - Your Love
There was this guy who worked with me at Prints Plus in Northridge, California named Roland. He always had this goofy grin on his face. When the Outfield's song Your Love would play on the radio he would always come running over excitedly stating how the verse, "You know I like my girls a little bit older..." would always make him laugh incessantly. Why do I remember this?...how the Hell should I know?! But why was Roland so fixated with that verse?...hmmm...

Journey - Only Solution

Tron...the drive-in in Concord...luscious Lori Wagner. Okay, before Andrea gets bent out of shape, Only Solution was the song during the closing credits for the Disney film Tron. Now at that time we thought that the special effects were awesome (glowing outlines of things) and that transporting someone into the computer world was the top of the scale in story lines. We saw that film at the drive-in so the effects were somewhat lost, however, in our group was Lori. She was an uber-babe!...at least for the teen set. I had a huge crush, or lust...who knows with young guys. Later I remember Lori's father asking me what position I played when first meeting me. What position?! What the Hell?!!! That ended that lust...er...crush...

REO Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You

This was the mother of all bands in my senior year of highschool...okay...that's dating me! This syrupy song played a million times in 1981. It was the cause of hundreds of teenage teeth in braces romances at my school. Senior Prom...although not the official ballad of our prom, it might have damn well been. By the way...that year all dances ended with two songs. The second to last song was Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven (what the Hell were we thinking making that a song to dance to?!) and the absolute last song had to be Donna Summer's Last Dance.

Boomtown Rats - Living On An Island
Before LiveAid and The Wall, Bob Geldolf had the Rats, the Boomtown Rats. These are the same guys who sang I Don't Like Mondays...however, Living On An Island preceeded that minor hit. My friend Brian, who by his own admission, is severely lacking in a true interest in the arts, introduced me to the Rats. He told me of his admiration of this band in the hall of his parents house....yet another moment that has no bearing on anything and is clogging up valuable real estate in my brain.

Billy Joel - A Matter Of Trust

Andy Moon a past friend from my college days. One of the few males that I have known that is actually shorter than me, er, not that I'm short, nope. Andy's two favorite musical performers were Van Halen and Billy Joel. Sort of an odd mix. I remember sitting in his garage when this song came on and Andy went into a long rant about how Billy Joel rocked live. Billy Joel = really good musician. Billy Joel = rocked?! Hmmm... To top it off for poor Andy, he was always a girl's best friend. A heterosexual guy's worst nightmare. When your a girl's best friend you know you're listening to all her problems, getting a hug and that's about it...while the local jerk scores with her.

Steely Dan - Reeling In The Years
Yaz - Situation

Yet another moment that involved Prints Plus, but unlike the Roland experience this one was at Pier 39 in San Francisco. There was a coworker who moonlighted as a stand-up comedian. He loved Steely Dan and along with his love for Dan, he would always profess how depressing stand-up work can be. I guess I'm glad that he never went Postal. But Reeling In The Years brings back fond memories of summers in the City. Situation also reminds me of this period, closing at nights on the Pier. This was a time that truly began my love affair with San Francisco. This was a time that I first counted an openly, flamboyant gay man as a friend, a new wave girl had a crush on me (she openly stated that she would sleep with me...never happened...), a Goth girl explained why she was going to be a mortician (lots of money and she had the wardrobe for it), I had more than two Asian friends, I met Pam who became the subject of a lame song of mine...glorious, absolutely glorious.

Yeah...this is what fills my noodle as I drive. I have come to realize that my taste in music has completely lost its relevancy. I am quickly turning into an old fogey. Admittedly, and sadly, I am not as intimate with music anymore. But these songs always bring a warm grin to my face. I guess that counts for something...

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Fever Pitch

If you were to confess a passing interest in the English Premier League and European football (soccer) to a male native of England, it would be akin to admitting to a foreign visitor that you studied their language for one year in highschool. Immediately the visitor would speak to you as if you were fluent in their native tongue.

Such is the case with English fans of the Premiership...

I have a manager named Andrew who immigrated to the States from the Motherland. I made the mistake of admitting that I on occasion watched English soccer on television and that may favorite team was Newcastle United. Instantly I became an ardent fan in his eyes.

To understand the English males devotion to their football club is akin to the love Oakland Raider fans have to their team. They live and die by the success of team. There are no other football teams worthy of their passion as the Silver and Black...

It's an addiction...maybe the folks in Green Bay are similar to the crazies in Oakland...

So assuming that I attended the Church of the Premiership, Andrew immediately loaned me some of his treasured DVD's and a book titled Fever Pitch. Nick Hornby, the author, details his life through Arsenal football. His faith in his club, his misery as they slog through years of mediocrity. It is a very funny read, if you understand the absolute loyalty that these English fans have for a club.

Along with the book, came the film version of Fever Pitch. Yes, yes, there was another later film starring Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore called Fever Pitch as well. This also was based on the book, however the sport was changed to baseball so Americans could relate to the topic at hand.

The English version starred Colin Firth. Although there is a very misleading cover for the film it is rather funny watching Firth's manic devotion to Arsenal football. Manic devotion might be understating his allegiance to the Gunners. Arsenal consumes his life, his soul. I suspect many a Raider fan sports Raider boxers!

Now, the tagline for the film is, "There's more than one way to score!" Oh those naughty English!...if one was to think this was a film about sex, they would be sooo wrong. It's about a man's love for a team, oh and possibly a woman. Geez...talk about false advertising!

I suppose on some level I am predestined to be an English soccer, er, football fan. They tend to be a misery filled lot. That is what the sport is about. Your club battles it out for 90 minutes teasing you with near goals, only to fight to a draw. My dad set me up to be a soccer fan by teaching me to root for the Chicago Bears.

If Da Bears aren't just miserable, they are teasing us. Just good enough to make the playoffs and then *poof!* the season's over in a knife through the heart loss. We groan and grumble about our offense's deficiencies and the penny pinching ways of management, yet season after season we support Da Bears, knowing it will be another year of anguish.

Yeah, it's 22 men running around in shorts kicking a ball around...but I still do find the sport absolutely absorbing. Go Newcastle!

Monday, November 27, 2006

A Lump Of Coal...

I was helping Brandon with his homework and I came upon this one page...Needs, Wants, and Money...The pictures showed three things and the kid completing the homework needed to circle the two things he needed.

So the first row had a house, a father type figure and a television. Circled the home...hmmm, good job!...the second choice...What the?!!! He chose television over the dad?!!! Okay, you're viewing the edited, ready to try again version...but you'll need to trust me on this one!

Some little boy is getting socks for Christmas!

Headwinds Suck...

Okay...official day one of Project Discovery was yesterday. I had a day off. Unfortunately it was raining...fortunately I love cycling in the rain. Actually, I dread riding in the rain while I'm in my regular clothes, all warm and toasty sipping my cup of joe...it takes an extraordinary effort to get me to pull on my lycra and head out. But once I'm out there, I love it...no really!

There is something about riding my bike in the rain. Some of my all-time favorite rides occured in while the drops were falling. I remember ascending Mount Tamalpais in a driving downpour. I only saw one other person (another psycho mountain biker) on the mountain all day long. There was something cleansing in the grey soggy day.

Now, I prefer mountain biking in the rain, however as I don't know the Southbay area to well, it's road biking for me. Unfortunately, if you are a road cyclist, you know that you travel at a much faster pace than your mountain breathren. Speed + Rain = Cold. I could have had on all the moisture-wicking-techno-wear on that I wanted, it was still cold!

But out I went. Shawn has stated that I need to say, "I am committed to 145 pounds by Superbowl Sunday!" Nope, it's, "I would like to be" for me. It's a cycling thing. You will never hear any of the Director Sportif's in le Tour commit to anything, so if it's good enough for le Tour...*giggles*

But I am committed to losing weight. I hate seeing my dad staring back at me in the mirror. Hey, I love my father, but I want to be that old geezer who powers by the peleton on his creaky old bike...er...his gleaming carbon fiber sled I mean. I always grimace when I see one of those senior citizens who blast up the hill, while I struggle on my pedals. Dear Lord, I want to be one of those guys...

So off I went out in the rain on Sunday. It was wonderful to hear the "sizzle" of my tires as they slid across the moist pavement. My sunglasses instantly became dotted with droplets of rain. Ahhh...cycling in the rain.

What I love about biking while it's raining is what I see. The beautiful and the curious. There are different laws and rules in the wet. The gathering of fall leaves in the usually ugly gutter, forming a beautiful fall pallet of color. The cab driver underjudging the braking time...sliding midway through the intersection, then grinning at me sheepishly. The clouds embracing the Santa Cruz mountains almost warmly.

It was a wonderful ride...except how come the headwind always comes at the end? I'm drenched and I am done...I'm cooked. I wanted a warm shower. I think Mother Nature wanted to teach me a lesson. How dare I of me to think that I could oppose her will? Although it was a soft headwind, it was enough. Put a fork in me, I was done...

I love riding in the rain...

One last thing. This photo, that had obviously been edited with Photoshop, made me giggle. It has nothing to do with anything, just a random image that I found that made me smile...

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Project Discovery

Well the first thing I must say, my store rocked! My managers were awesome!

So, now that Black Friday is over with...it's time to get down to business. People are always telling me that I look really good. That I am not overweight. The thing about being skinny is that although my clothed version of me looks okay, it belies the truth. I hold almost all my weight in one area...I bet you can guess where.

I tend to look like one of those glass birds who dip into water for what seems like forever. Scrawny up top, but what's going on with that waist line?! Yeah, I look like the bird on the right. Although, Andrea tells me that Tweety's head size sort of looks like mine. I tell her that my melon is full of grey matter, Andrea tells me that maybe it's fat. Sometimes I tend to agree with her.

So the post-Thanksgiving weigh in puts me at about 8 pounds over what I would like to be at. Although I would like to be lighter, I have read that for my height and age, 145 is a good weight.

So I am naming the next two months, Project Discovery. No I am not discovering what a fat slob I am...I already know that. I am naming the December and January after the procycling team, Discovery. Now I have no illusions that anytime in my life could I have ridden for Lance Armstrong's former team...I just would like to get back into riding shape. Not the shape of the Goodyear blimp...

So here's the deal...by Superbowl XLI...what the Hell?!!! It sounds like a Lexus?! Anyhow, by Superbowl XLI, Sunday, February 4, 2007, I would like to be at 145 pounds or lighter. We won't go into the body fat percentage, as that is another challenge. Eight pounds in approximately eight weeks.

The obstacle?...man this is a good time to put on a layer of winter fat! But by naming my "project" and putting it out here for you all to see...I think I can do it!

Project Discovery...can Neil lose eight pounds in eight weeks?...stay tuned for updates...

Friday, November 24, 2006

3:30 A.M.

Yes, it is indeed 3:30 a.m. on Friday, November 23rd, 2006. The day after Thanksgiving. Retailers refer to today as Black Friday. Although no longer the busiest shopping day of the year, this Friday is definitely intense. This one day sets the tone for the Holiday shopping season. If it is a poor day, our moods will blacken for quite some time. Yet, if it is a day filled with registers clicking away, we will be optimistic for the days ahead.

So here I type away at my keyboard in the wee hours of the day. Why don't I take this time to sleep? I am not one of those who can shower and go. Like a flywheel, I need time to gain momentum into the morning.

Thanksgiving is always a blur for me. While everyone is settling into our supper, I am pondering the number of hours before I needed to wake. It is a curse. While Todd is bristling about the general state of California, I am thinking about if I should set another alarm clock. While Lael is asking me if I would like pie or a brownie for dessert, I am dreading crawling out of bed before the roosters crow.

I am entering the dark days. I will be leaving for work when the sun is coming up and returning home after it sets. I will see less and less of our closest star...but I do love my job...really! Today needs to be great. I know it will be great. I can feel it.

Just one last ponder...why does it need to start so early?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Trepidation And Fish Death Part 2

So here I type, entering into this inane blog. It's past my usual entry time as today is Turkey day...I slept in until 6:30! While many people will take this day to rest and feast, those of us in retail start thinking about Friday from the moment we wake. It is a sickness that afflicts anyone in retail management.

One of the last things I told my managers is not to think about the job on Thursday, Thanksgiving. "Enjoy the company of your friends and family, you can think about work when you wake up on Friday," I said. Classic do as I say, not as I do moment!...

I can't help it. I have always been this way. Although the day after Thanksgiving is no longer the largest volume day, it is definitely in the top five! I get obsessed over days as this one, tomorrow. When the energy of my store will be at its maximum. I get a genuine rush from the hustle and bustle. I joke with my managers that I want to see lines galore.

Yeah, I have certain trepidation over the next few weeks. This is retail's World Series and Super Bowl. If we do not get this one right, it sets a horrible tone for the coming year. I know my little store will rock tomorrow...I know it...I can feel it...

But before tomorrow's festivities (I will be at work by about 5 a.m., by the way!) we have a feast to attend to.

My dad is an abalone addict. A freak. A fiend. A junkie. He absolutely loves the taste of this very expensive sea delicacy. Okay, the French have their escargot, my dad has his sea snail. So when I confessed that Tin Tin Market (see my original post in October, The Smell Of Death, to see more of this Oriental market) actually had a tank of live abalone, Dad immediately stated that I needed to hook him up with his fix.

"Abalone me!..." he whispered in a secretive tone.

Okay...maybe my dad didn't say that I needed to hook him up with his fix, nor did he whisper, "Abalone me..." But, he might have well! He did not even flinch when I told him that it was running about $45 a pound!

So as "Stuff Yourself Until You Cannot Move" day approached I dispatched poor Andrea to Tin Tin Market to pick up the very expensive rubbery mollusk. Why Andrea and not me you ask? Hey, you try to work retail this time of year and try to have any semblance of an outside life!

Dutifully, Andrea went to the market. Some background - Andrea and I once had batch of live mussels sent to us as a gift (thank you Joe and Karen!) We chose the mussels over the lobster, as we felt that fishy death for mussels wouldn't be as bad as the scrambling lobsters who would be trying to get out of their killer jacuzzi.

Unfortunately as we steamed the mussels they began to open and close. Andrea presents a tough exterior, but she truly is a softy inside. She almost began to cry as the shells slowly unclenched themselves...as if they were silently calling for help. Needless to say, I ate the mussels alone...and they were delicious....once again thanks Joe and Karen!

So back to November 22, 2006, I get a frantic call on my cell at work. "Neil! They're squirming!" Okay, let's be clear, abalone probably don't squirm, however, I am sure they were not too happy to be dragged from the cool, wet confines of their tank to the clear plastic bag that Andrea now possessed. At this point I think Andrea was having Vietnam flashbacks of the mussel incident.

Like a trooper she dragged our little snail friends home to our refrigerator. Another unfortunate side effect of the abalones was that they made our entire refrigerator smell like an oriental market...yep...the smell of fish death filled our fridge. I think I'm going to be the one picking up my dad's abalone fix next time...

And there they wait, cooling in our refrigerator, for my dad's feast today...

So on that note...Happy Thanksgiving! I hope if you are reading this, you log off soon and go enjoy your family and friends. Peace - Neil

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy 40th!!!

Happy Birthday Shawn!!!

I have friends who I feel very blessed to count as such. Shawn would be one of those friends. He is actually a nice guy who finished first. My life lately seems to have totally been filled to the brim, yet even when I have not called for quite some time, Shawn is always there to talk.

I met Shawn many moons ago and I have been privileged to watch him grow from a hard working college student to an amazing and successful businessman. I always knew that he would find his success and riches. (Shawn...didn't I tell you, long ago, that you would be my richest friend?!) By the way, look to the Places To Waste Your Time section to the right for a link to his company's website, Income Property Services.

When Shawn is into something he seems to always approach it with such passion. I remember fondly of long nights in "The Cabana" practicing our guitars together. He had such enthusiasm for our "art". Although looking back at it now, I do believe he had more heart and soul into the music than I ever did. There was always his belief in his songs.

I have never known someone with so much enthusiasm for life and people. He is the first one to encourage all the friends to do better, and that we can do it. I was depressed when I was transferring to our Reno store. Shawn came to me and told me how cool it was to move...how I should see it as an adventure. He was the one who made me feel better and has changed my attitude about the possibilities in life.

Shawn is the proverbial "glass half-full". I have only once seen him really furious (although I am sure Mich has lots to tell...*smiles*) Our friend Brian has named Shawn "Switzerland" as he almost always is able to keep from falling into the fray. Our typical "guy" banter will be flowing and there will be Shawn gently smiling watching us trade insults. A little warning...Switzerland does have a scud or two waiting in the shadows!

Shawn is a great father, a great husband and a great friend...happy birthday Shawn!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Speed, Wicked Speed...

Yep...you can tell that the holiday season is gearing up by the flood of commercials for toys, games and other knick-knacks for the younger set. Every imaginable version of Barbie is being bombarded at one's daughter, robots and flying things are flashing before my boy's eyes as he watches Sponge Bob. Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii, Geoffrey can't contain himself!

Now, I don't want to sound like a cynical ol' coot who hates the commercialization of Christmas...that will be a later post when my job has worn me down and there is no more Christmas spirit left in me. I want to reminisce about gifts that I really, REALLY, wanted but Santa came up short...

Okay he did score when he set me up with Battling Tops. This was a game that involved several little plastic tops that were wound up with a string. Each top had a name like Dizzy Dan, Super Sam, etc....okay, it did not take a lot to entertain me. You would let them go as they "battled" each other. The only problem was that this was a multiple person type game. So unlike the box top that showed a family enjoying this little spinning gladiator stadium, mine was devoid of parental or sibling attention. It was Neil with one lonely top spinning by itself...

Now Santa did fill up my toy chest with plenty of other stuff, so I don't want you to think I only received socks for Christmas. Christmas morning I was always greeted with ample supplies of Hot Wheels, Legos and other stuff. However, there was never my two dream toys under our tree.

Rock'em Sock'em Robots...a boy's fantasy...two inanimate objects pulverizing each other. I think that's why I had such a fascination for Battling Tops as well. What is it with little boys (and sometimes their adult versions as well) and their appetite for destruction? I desperately wanted these guys. Nothing was worse as when one of the neighborhood friends got RSR as a gift. I spied them on his closet shelf jealously. For about a month I continually pestered him to play with them.

The funny thing is, if someone gave me the Robots now, I WOULD LOVE IT!!! Okay, sometimes boys don't grow up. There is something deviant and hilarious when your robot's head pops up from your opponent's devastating uppercut!

But the mother of all desired gifts for me, was the Big Wheel. For the under seven set, the Big Wheel was it! For a little Neil, the Holy Grail was a Big Wheel. I imagined myself tearing up the sidewalks of the court that we lived in. I remember the kid skidding to a stop in the commercial, I knew that I could do that only better.

Yeah, speed, wicked speed. That's what this plastic three wheeler would do. I mean, check out those racing slicks in back! I was going to make my mom sick from the daring do's that would come from my Big Wheel and me. Neil "Mario Andretti" and his Big Wheel.

But alas...like the Robots...it would never come to pass...

Now somewhere in there, there is a great lesson about greed and not always getting what one desires...but dang I would have looked cool with the wind blowing through my hair popping someone's head up...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Great Googly Moogly!

So I just dropped Soraya and Brandon off for a Thanksgiving visit with their father. The drop off happens to be in Las Vegas. Yes, I did call Las Vegas my residence for about three years of my adult life, nevertheless, now that I visit Sin City several times a year, I realize I never want to move back.

Yes, yes, yes...I know that there are many nice and sincere folks who live in the middle of the desert and there is some sweet mountain bike riding near Red Rock...blah, blah, blah...

...However...

The fact that the first thing one is greeted with at the airport is the nonstop cha-ching of the slots is not necessarily what I consider high culture. Soraya, Brandon and I exited our Southwest flight and instantly I could hear the jingle of mass profit for the airport. Tourists in ill-fitting Rolling Stones tees filled the one-armed bandits with coin after coin. Ahhh...paradise...

We then walked by the packed smoking section. It was a glass walled room that allegedly kept the smoke from the people who choose a slow death from those of us who abhor black lungs...it wasn't working. Although by the looks of California's air quality as our plane departed, it's a moot point...

I just don't think I want to live in a city whose slogan is, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!"

Okay, I'm no prude and admittedly I do have a dark, naughty side...but great googly moogly, let's not advertise it! I will agree that a weekend of debauchery is all good and fine, and sometimes even medicinal, but I just don't want the entire free world coming to my town to partake in all that madness.

Let's just keep Las Vegas in the desert away from my home and I'll be fine...

Friday, November 17, 2006

Shaken Not Stirred

So there's a new Bond flick that is due to come out this week, Casino Royale. Daniel Craig is pegged to be the sixth man to play Bond. Other than I have never heard of him, my biggest problem with this choice of actors is that he is blond. Isn't J.B. supposed to be a brunette?

Personally, I want to see Dave Chappelle get a crack at Bond...

Okay...maybe that incarnation of James Bond might be a little controversial...

I was never a much of a Bond fan until rooming with my friend Brian. He introduced me to the glamorous, seductive, exciting, chauvinistic world of Bond, James Bond. My favorite is still the king of all Bonds, Sean Connery.

This guy was mean! I have always enjoyed the fact that Connery's version was always the meanest, toughest, roughest Bond of them all. There was NOTHING p.c. about this guy. James Bond had no problem offing the bad guy, downing a martini (shaken not stirred) and hopping in bed with the local cutie.

One of my all-time favorite scenes is from Goldfinger. Felix Leiter meets up with Bond at a hotel pool. Bond is massaging the back of a lovely lady poolside. When Leiter comes up to Bond, J.B. needs to send Dink, the girl, away. With a slap on the bum, audio enhanced I might add, Bond sends her away, "Man talk!!!" Okay...I'm going to spend a day or two in purgatory for loving that scene too much...

The next Bond, George Lazenby, lasted all of one film...On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Lazenby was the other guy Bond. One film and done. That's enough said about him I suppose...

After a few more films starring Connery we entered the James Bond comedy era with Roger Moore as the leading man.

Now, I don't have a huge problem with Moore at the helm of Mr. Bond, but he did give a humorous edge to the Bond character. There was always something in his expression, his eyes, that revealed that Moore always understood the sheer absurdity of the Bond character.

However, there were a few absolutely classic Bond films that included Moore. Live And Let Die still has the best theme song and Bond hanging in the Hood in New Orleans was great. Octopussy, while...er...interesting title, had lots of great moments. My favorite was when Bond is playing backgammon and the evil guy's henchman crushes the dice to dust when Bond wins.

Unfortunately, Moore hung on too long, and at the end, I was wishing for his demise. Next up, Timothy Dalton.

He harkened the return to a tougher Bond...however he didn't seem to be mean. And what was with all the women saving his ass in Living Daylights?!!! Unfortunately for Dalton he was the victim of some suspect writing and he only lasted two episodes of Bond...

Then came Remington Steele...uh...I mean Pierce Brosnan. Although a bit of a "pretty boy" Brosnan was the first Bond since Connery to actually be mean. Brosnan actually was probably the best J.B. since Connery's initial version. I got the sense that Brosnan's character had no problem slicing the evil guys' throat.

And through the miracle of film we could watch this skinny guy beat up men much larger than him. I would wonder how this skin and bones Bond could out muscle the bad guys with such ease. No wonder it took him so long to off Famke Janssen in the fight scene in the spa in GoldenEye.

So here we are now in November 2006...a new James Bond. Good luck Daniel Craig, you have some legends to live up to. I'll sip a martini, shaken not stirred, for you!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Outstanding!!!

When I come home from work, Andrea almost always asks me how my day was and what I did. I always ponder on that question, especially the latter part of the question. As a store manager, exactly what did I do all day?

Well, the simple answer is this, I am responsible to drive three things in my store...

1. Profitable sales...duh!!!
2. Ensure that we are delivering outstanding customer service
3. Drive our proprietary credit results

But I don't think that Andrea would enjoy an answer like, "I drove profitable sales, while maintaining an outstanding customer experience and they all used our credit card!"

Nope...I think an answer like that may illicit an hour or so of silence from her...

So what do I do all day? Those three items listed before are the end results that comes from my day in the store, but it is driven by people. Interaction with people is what I do...all day long. I need to take the good, the bad and the ugly from everyone...

Here are some highlights...

The Good...

I have promoted many managers to higher positions. I had one gentleman say to me that if it weren't for me he probably would have never had a shot at our flagship store.
I listened to a customer, just recently, tell me that in the last six months the service in our store has completely turned around for the better...hey!...Isn't that about when I started in the store?!
I have had an associate whom English is a second language for her thank me for giving her the opportunity on the sales floor.

The Bad...

Realizing that certain associates, people, are negative no matter what. It isn't the money, the customers or even the direction of the store. They are bitter no matter what...
Having a sales associate get inches from my face stating that he does not respect me, because I did not respect him.
A customer bringing back a bag of very used clothes asking for cash back as she needed the money because she was just evicted.

The Ugly...

A customer spitting on me...luckily she just hit my shoes...
A customer cutting up her credit card and flinging the bits at my associate...
Don't ask me about the "presents" that we have discovered in the fitting rooms...
...or in San Francisco elevator...

Although it may seem like the Bad and the Ugly outweigh the good, they don't. It's just that they seem like they are more memorable. In fact, I had to do some major pondering before they popped into my head. These have occurred in the span of over 20 years in the retail industry.

My days are actually filled with great little moments...

Watching the smile appear on a very stressed sign leader whose day was going horribly. All it took was telling her that she was doing a great job...and she was and still is!
Laughing with a senior citizen customer as she tells me her day...
Having an "up and comer" tell me he will deliver the goods when I challenge him...and he will!
A relative new hire lighting up when we offer her a promotion, because she is doing an awesome job.
A customer stopping me to tell me what a great Home sales associate I have.

Yeah I love my job...so what the Hell did I do today?!!!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Puffy For Prez...

It still seems odd to me that The Terminator is our governor. Hullo...my name is Ahhhnold and I am your leeeder...

This photo of Arnold in a recent trip to Mexico only adds to my feeling of a late 60's acid trip. That huge smiling mug behind him as he encourages the Mexican people to eat California spinach...brrr...it gives me the chills for some reason!

But hey, I guess I shouldn't be so shocked as the citizens of the United States of America have voting precedent...

I suppose having a president who had a leading role in a film with a chimpanzee isn't too bad. At least Ronald R. kept all his clothes on!...no I'm not gonna show the images here!...just Google it.

Back on track...yep, our lives just keep getting stranger. I suppose with the importance of politics and the media, it would behoove a candidate to have a strong background in the visual media.

So with that I say...

P.Diddy in 2008!!!

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Grace Under Pressure

Wow...it's getting to feel like the holidays!!! I just had my first two really nasty customers.

The first customer jumped down my poor associate's throat when the customer asked her how much a pair of jeans were (the tag had fallen off.) The associate stated that she believed that they were about $98, but would check for her. The customer then berated my associate about the customer's need for an exact price.

She then found me and then went into a diatribe about how she is a business person and owns several businesses. She also stated that she has managed facilities much larger then my store...lady, have some class and realize I don't really care about your wealth, only if my associate was rude or not. I hate when alleged wealthy customers feel that they should be treated any nicer than those who have less money. Yeah, yeah...I know I'm in the business to make money, however, I believe we need to treat everyone like gold!

The second customer found me to complain that her check had been declined and that my associate was terribly rude. She and her daughter (granny and mom) began to tell me that they are well connected in the community and that they would take us down. Granny began to tell me how rich she was and that I would be sorry about this incident.

While I left the "ladies" to find some phone numbers that they requested, they created quite a scene in my Gift Wrap department. Other customers were rolling their eyes when I went back out to try to placate them. Later I discovered that the classless daughter had called my associate, "dirty J** b****!!!" (rhymes with do witch) Had I known that initially, I probably would have ended the conversation right then and there.

By the way...the associate, who is not Jewish (not there is anything wrong with being Jewish, just for clarification), is one of my newer associates who receives many on-line compliments. Was she flustered? Absolutely. Was she rude? I highly doubt it.

So why I am telling you this? As you know I am a retailer...but please try to remember these customer "rules" when you are shopping during this busy holiday season:

The sales associates really are people. Trying to insult or emotionally hurt them doesn't solve anything.
Grace under pressure. I never get angry with clerks if they are working hard. It's not their fault if they are understaffed.
It's busy! It's the holidays, it's going to be busy. The stores may add staffing, but they rarely add many more registers. You are going to wait in line.
The stores hire newbies for the holidays...they're trying. Your screaming at them isn't making them go faster.
Just because one is the customer, that doesn't give one the right to treat others like dirt.

Hey...we'll try to do our part by working hard and trying to give the best service. Can you do yours?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Steichen Wins Hotly Contested Seat!

In breaking news out of Pierre, South Dakota, Democrat Marie Steichen pulled out a stunning victory in the hotly contested county commissioner's race. Steichen received a whopping 100 votes to Republican incumbent, Merlin Feistner's 64.

Unfortunately Steichen will not be able to fulfill her duties as county commissioner as she was pronounced dead two months prior to the election...uh...yes, the voters knew that little fact. It must be good to be Merlin Feistner right about now...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Seeing Red...

Wow...that was a night!

In one day the United States' leadership changed dramatically! However, one must wonder if we will actually see change. Democrats promise change, but will it be progress?

Ross Perot was correct when he stated that partisan politics are keeping America from moving forward. It's us or them, right or left, conservative or liberal, Republican or Democrat. Too much fighting among the parties and never enough working together for a stronger country.

As I have grown older I have become a moderate Democrat. What that means is that I vote for what or whom I feel represents me the best, regardless if the candidate is a Democrat or Republican. Rarely does either party represent me fully.

What a night. The landscape of the most powerful country in the world changed in a mere 24 hours.

What Happens In Denver...(Part 3)

...Stays in Denver...

Okay, so I had planned a very detailed post about my last night in Denver, but then I pondered the wisdom of blogging about it. Hmmm, one will occasionally read about a person's blog getting the person in trouble somehow...

Yep...maybe night three is under the "What happens in Denver, stays in Denver..." category...

Actually the night was really just rated PG-13, but some of the participants may not want to be blogged about their trip to Charlie's the gay bar...wait, I just said too much!...

Okay, okay...just for clarification. Our gay friend dragged five straight males and one straight female to this gay bar and dance club (He is very persuasive.) One comment I will make, is that this felt like a total pick-up joint for gay males. But other than the four straight males feeling out of place...definitely PG-13...

The next day dragged on. I'm not used to playing on school nights. As we passed by the penitentiary there was a sign on the road, "Do Not Pick Up Hitch Hikers." We got a good chuckle out of that one.

I finally slumped myself down in my seat on the 737. Of course, my reading light was broken. Closing my eyes, I readied myself for the two and half hour flight.

What happens in Denver, stays in Denver...until I blog about it...

Monday, November 06, 2006

What Happens In Denver...(Part 2)

...stays in Denver...

Okay, nothing really happened that was too bad. Er...at least not so bad that I won't write about it in this asinine blog!

So finally I land in Colorado...the plane actually landed 10 minutes ahead of schedule!!! Yippee, my luck seemed to have turned. However...we then waited on the tarmac for 40 minutes. At that point I was ready to throttle someone.

As I departed the plane, thoroughly frustrated, I was greeted by the 31 degree weather. Lovely.

I learned several things within the first hour of my adventure in Bronco-land.

Dang...it's cold there!
Uh...cultural diversity is not Colorado's strong point (although the citizens are generally much nicer than Californians)
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, between the towns that house our stores.

At the end of the day, my friends and I decided to eat at Ted's Montana Grill. Now Ted's is not a place for vegetarians. Nearly every method one could think of for a steak is on the menu, not to mention that it's all available also in bison. Yeah that thing that resembles a buffalo. I promptly ordered the crab cakes.

A few beers later...yes there's lots of beer choices at Ted's, let alone in Denver...we headed, trudged, to our next destination...a pool hall. Now as we roamed downtown Denver, the temperature had dropped to high 20's. My poor friend Vino did not bring a jacket for some unknown reason and was becoming an ice cube. Luckily for him, Brenda loaned him her girly scarf. She warned Mitch and me not to make fun of Vino...Brenda promptly made a joke about Vino's manhood.

We landed at a place called Wynkoop Brewing Company. Yes...a nice combination of a brewery and an upstairs pool hall. Okay, maybe coming to Denver has its upside! Hmmm...let me see, 8-ball, a pitcher of Guiness and friends...yep, it was good to visit Denver.

Something I did not realize. Here were three guys and the most competitive person at the pool table was Brenda! Nothing's better than beating someone who is competitive three times in a row. I loved the clouds of steam that was pouring out of Brenda's ears. I will say that my billiard skills directly correlate with my alcohol level.

Three wins later, we were ready to head back to our hotel. Slowly we crawled through the deserted streets of Denver. Finally, we saddled up to the bar in the hotel for a nightcap. Ahhh smokey whisky to warm our souls prior to sleep. I love my job...

More Denver coming up later...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

What Happens In Denver...(part 1)

...Stays in Denver...

Well I just got back from a three day excursion to the lovely Mile High City. I, along with many of my California peers, were sent to Colorado to help acclimate our Rocky Mountain counterparts into our company. Now you would think retail is retail...egads, these poor people have sooo much to learn!

My trek east started with Neil fleeing out the door of his house only an hour and 15 minutes before his plane's departure time. Yeah, yeah...we're supposed to be at the airport at least an hour prior to departure...

Unfortunately I had forgotten that long term parking at San Jose International is a million miles from the actual terminals! So after the longer than anticipated drive to the airport and the bus ride from the distant parking lot, there I stood in line at the United check in area 30 minutes prior to take off.

The sign stated that they will not check in luggage after 40 minutes prior to scheduled departure...nope, that would not do!

As the line crawled slowly forward I noticed that a family was trying to check in at one of the computerized kiosks. Their cart was spilling over with all their luggage. In frustration they circumvented the line and went directly to an agent, who was already with another passenger. What the?!!!

Hey now! I don't care that you are running late to your flight! So am I!

Yep, didn't make my mood any better. Funny how lousy situations that I create always seem to be the worst types.

Finally, FINALLY, I get to the front of the line. 20 minutes before take off. I look to the agent and tell her that my flight leaves shortly and I need her to check my baggage. Nope...she's not going to do it! I ask to see a supervisor. He is one position over.

"Listen," I tell Abu the supervisor, "I was here 40 minutes in line, but it took 20 minutes to get through this line. Had I known that I could have cut in front like that family, I would have!" Okay, I know, I know...I was in line 30 minutes not 40, but I'm an American, it's not my fault!!!

At this point I must commend Abu the check in supervisor. He quickly took my bag and handed me a claim stub. No argument. No lecture. THANK YOU ABU OF UNITED AIRLINES IN SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA!!!

I ran to the security line. The airline gods were plotting against me as

there was only two metal detectors working. At that point I became a pleading, sniveling slob. "May I go ahead of you my flight leaves in 15 minutes..." Hey, maybe the airline gods were being forgiving as the entire line let me go ahead and they were actually encouraging me to get to my flight! I never knew that I could whip off my shoes, belt and other metal items that fast!

I became O.J. in the old Hertz commercials. Hertz O.J....the one running and cutting through the airport, not "If the glove does not fit, you must acquit" O.J.

Out of breath, I made it to my flight...five minutes to spare (yes they were preparing to close doors...)

Part 2 later...

Peace

LoneCactus' Soap Box Moments