LoneCactus' Soap Box Moments

Can You Dim That Shine?

I happened upon this one website, www.realage.com, and it calculated that my "real age" was over 10 years younger than my calendar age. What the?!!! Let's be clear, it takes more of an effort for me to climb hills on my bike than it did ten years ago. I cannot eat whatever I would like to, as I did ten years ago. Mystery aches and pains appear for no reason, unlike ten years ago. Unless I have a really bad memory, something smells a bit fishy around here. But hey, if that means I'm back in my 30's...I'll take it!

So the exit polls are showing a definite pattern in my life! It looks like in the categories of fat, greying or bald...bald is surging ahead. It seems that my follicles are having an extremely difficult time holding onto my noggin'. As I brushed my teeth, my skull reflected more of the bathroom lighting than ever before. A tragic turn of events. My scalp definitely did not look like this ten years ago!

It's okay, your grandfather on your mother's side had a full head of hair. Look at your father, he still has hair and he's 88. Don't worry, you have thick hair. Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before, however at this moment, it looks like baldness is going to come upon me quickly.

Every time I eye suspiciously another gray hair poking itself out of the thinning Amazon known as my coiffure, I ponder if plucking the offending follicle is worth the additional thinning of my diminishing forest. As I cycle and my scalp itches, I wonder if scratching my head through the vents of my helmet, I am unknowingly carving a barren hole in my mop.

For all I know it's the cycling that is doing it. I have noticed lately that many of the top riders in the peloton seem to be hair challenged. Okay, for every receding hairline, skinny climber, there is a long-haired-mulleted Belgian stud. And although I may be just imagining it, it seems like a reasonable explanation.


I knew my gradually exposed scalp was noticeable when my friend Brian tried to console me. Now if you know Brian, you know that if you are his friend, which I am, Brian has no problem kicking you when you're down. That's something about his, uh, "charm".

Unfortunately, after first gasping, Brian said to me, "Hey no worries, hair loss is one of those things you have no control over!" What the?!!! That's the last thing I want to hear from B. I don't want him trying to make me feel better, I want him joking at my expense!

Hey whatever, all I know is I'm ten years younger than my driver license states and I have Sy Sperling's cell phone number handy...

Labels: balding, hair, hair loss, helmet

posted by LoneCactus @ 6:20 AM Comments: 0