LoneCactus' Soap Box Moments

Oh yeah...Neil's heart attack on a plate!

So this brings us back to this past Saturday...Soraya and I both ordered breakfast, Soraya scrambled eggs and a hamburger patty, I ordered the standard bacon and eggs over easy. I have found it wise never to order anything too out of the ordinary at Al's. Keep it to the basics and you're fine. Curiously, Brandon did not order anything.


I hoovered down my eggs and bacon, but I was a good boy and limited my carbs by not eating too many of the hash-browns. Uh, yeah, who cares about the artery clogging bacon, but for goodness sakes don't touch those potatoes! Soraya made little hamburger and scrambled egg sandwiches on her fork as she made quick work of her breakfast.

Feeling sorry for Brandon, both Soraya and I offered B-boy Deluxe food. We encouraged him to eat a little scrambled egg, hamburger and bacon. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. Soraya offered up that his head hurt. When I asked Brandon he exclaimed, "I'm okay!"

A Tragic Miscalculation...

I probably should have noticed, but I didn't. I should have noticed Brandon silently sitting in the back seat of the Escape before breakfast. I should have understood when he didn't want to eat. I should have went straight home, but I didn't. After settling the bill and we bid adieu to Al's Good Time Cafe. Both Soraya and Brandon (for whatever reason) stated that they wanted to come back to Al's. Good Lord, I had brainwashed them!

We climbed back into Andrea's Escape and began the hour long drive home to San Jose. It was mostly uneventful as I believe both kids napped on the way back. After a greasy breakfast, I could have used one too!

Two exits from our exit, that would be Steven's Creek, on the 85, I heard Soraya scream, "Oh no!!! Brandon!!!" I turned to see it...Brandon trying to cover his mouth to keep Mount St. Helens from blowing. I understood then why B did not eat at Al's. Brandon blew chunks. Brandon blew chunks in Andrea's Escape. Brandon blew chunks in clean-freak Andrea's Escape. Brandon blew chunks in clean-freak Andrea's Escape right on Soraya.

The hard part, as an adult, is not to get angry with the child who just spewed Cocoa Pebbles, bits of egg and other random stomach acid filled rubble into the back seat and on to his sister. We pulled over in a parking lot and poor Brandon stood pathetically next to the car. The only thing he could whimper was, "Are you mad at me?..."

The anger quickly seeped from me and I could see all he wanted to know was that I still loved him. I sighed and told him that it was okay. I surveyed the damage and boy, did Brandon project. Poor Soraya was hit by some of the warm gooey schrapnel. Luckily, Brandon did think quickly and much was caught by his beloved Oakland A's cap. All I could think was, "Hell hath no fury like a overly-neat woman and her vomit filled car...."

We quickly drove home, windows open, Soraya now in the front seat. Poor Brandon shivering in the back, shirt off (had to take it off if you know what I mean!) asking if we could close the windows. We answered, "Hell no!" Five minutes later we were home, yes five minutes. I think this was one of the main reasons I was a little annoyed...Dude?! You couldn't hold out for a little while longer?

I made Brandon strip to his underwear in the garage and hop into the shower. Sighing I looked at the job I had ahead of me. The human explosion was all over the back seat as I searched the garage for Armor All. My nap was not in the stars this morning. Before he jumped in the shower, Brandon asked me, "Can I have a snack? Now I feel great!" Grrr...

Things I learned:

1. If Soraya says Brandon is feeling odd, listen to her.
2. If your kid isn't hungry, do not force him to eat Al's Good (Greasy) Food.
3. Keep an A's cap around just in case.